I sat down after typing out that blog yesterday and tried to come up with some ideas to help me out on this 40 day writing challenge of torture and I drew an utter and complete blank. Which, while not encouraging, was just another push for me to continue to do this. In order for writing and thinking "like a writer" to become natural for me again I need to start integrating it into my day again.
I went back and read a few older blogs which was equally fun, encouraging and cringe-worthy. Just in spending that little bit of time yesterday writing it got me excited. I felt more myself in some ways than I had in a while. I felt...jazzed? I'm not sure why that was the first word that came to mind, but it was, so I'm sticking with it. I felt a bit like I had a runners high...adrenaline was coursing through my veins. "I'm the king of the world! Whooohoo!" I shouted internally. In reality it just meant that when my sons woke up from their nap I was actually energized, excited and ready to go.
It will be interesting to note how this not only changes my thinking, writing style and approach but also how it impacts me and my life in other ways. Will it make me a better conversationalist, a better listener? Will it mean because I feel more myself that I respond from a place of security more often? As I typed that last sentence I was reminded of the study I'm a part of at church and we were currently looking at identity. I just had this split second curiosity where I wondered, "Is this how I am going to now define myself? Find my identity?" I believe the answer is no, I do think that it will help me reconnect to a part of myself that is naturally there and God-given? OH dear. That could sounds mighty self-centered but I'll just hope that you guys will give me the benefit of the doubt.
Speaking of benefit of the doubt, I saw this quote from Brene Brown (oh my goodness, if anyone can tell me how to quickly do an accent on a keyboard I will sing your praises in the next blog...truly trying to write her name just took my five minutes and I still don't have the accent on it!) that said "Always assume people are doing the best they can." This really struck me. Somewhere along the way I have found myself in a bit more pessimistic outlook when it comes to other people. Mostly this comes out when I'm driving. I find myself assuming that all other people out on the road are either totally oblivious or just plain terrible drivers (and sometimes in my particularly bad moods I assume they are terrible people as well).
I like the idea of always assuming people are doing the best they can...because first of all encourages empathy, compassion and understanding. Secondly, something I hear in it is that it doesn't mean what the person is doing is perhaps the "best" way of doing things or that it is even harmless but that they are doing the best they can with what they have. It reminds me of the concept that we were taught in counselling, which is almost the exact same thing. It's the idea that people can only do the best they can with the knowledge they had/have AT THE TIME.
On a ridiculous level that means that I have the knowledge that picking something unknown off the floor and sticking it in my mouth is a bad idea and could make me terribly ill. My one year old however, does not have that information. So he does the best with the information he has to figure things out. He picks it up, he looks at it and then because some of the most heightened senses a baby has are in their mouth he sticks it right in there. With all the information I can look at him and think, "What a stupid person. How could they not know that would make them terribly ill?" However, I haven't stopped to think, "Has anyone taught him that? Did he understand when he was taught it? What did he experience versus what he was told he would experience?"
Obviously this can be extrapolated to much more serious situations or circumstances. Often, people can shame themselves and place a lot of guilt on themselves for something that they now know but didn't know at the time they were responding to a situation. I think this can play out as we reflect on parenting, friendships, career choices, abuse...we hold ourselves (and others who have impacted us) accountable for knowledge they may not have had and think "they should have known better." But how should they have known unless they had been taught or shown?
This quote from Brene Brown was a great reminder for me to stop before I get frustrated or overwhelmed or a little "holier than thou" and think instead, "this person is trying their best".
I feel the need to put the disclaimer that there are situations in which this is not the case, someone DID know better, someone wasn't trying their best and they truly hurt someone else. This quote is, perhaps this is obvious to state, not all encompassing and is a guideline and not a hard and fast rule. I feel myself going down a rabbit trail with this one. If you want me to expand or clarify just let me know. I'd be happy to do so!
For now I will end this here! Thanks for reading!
I went back and read a few older blogs which was equally fun, encouraging and cringe-worthy. Just in spending that little bit of time yesterday writing it got me excited. I felt more myself in some ways than I had in a while. I felt...jazzed? I'm not sure why that was the first word that came to mind, but it was, so I'm sticking with it. I felt a bit like I had a runners high...adrenaline was coursing through my veins. "I'm the king of the world! Whooohoo!" I shouted internally. In reality it just meant that when my sons woke up from their nap I was actually energized, excited and ready to go.
It will be interesting to note how this not only changes my thinking, writing style and approach but also how it impacts me and my life in other ways. Will it make me a better conversationalist, a better listener? Will it mean because I feel more myself that I respond from a place of security more often? As I typed that last sentence I was reminded of the study I'm a part of at church and we were currently looking at identity. I just had this split second curiosity where I wondered, "Is this how I am going to now define myself? Find my identity?" I believe the answer is no, I do think that it will help me reconnect to a part of myself that is naturally there and God-given? OH dear. That could sounds mighty self-centered but I'll just hope that you guys will give me the benefit of the doubt.
Speaking of benefit of the doubt, I saw this quote from Brene Brown (oh my goodness, if anyone can tell me how to quickly do an accent on a keyboard I will sing your praises in the next blog...truly trying to write her name just took my five minutes and I still don't have the accent on it!) that said "Always assume people are doing the best they can." This really struck me. Somewhere along the way I have found myself in a bit more pessimistic outlook when it comes to other people. Mostly this comes out when I'm driving. I find myself assuming that all other people out on the road are either totally oblivious or just plain terrible drivers (and sometimes in my particularly bad moods I assume they are terrible people as well).
I like the idea of always assuming people are doing the best they can...because first of all encourages empathy, compassion and understanding. Secondly, something I hear in it is that it doesn't mean what the person is doing is perhaps the "best" way of doing things or that it is even harmless but that they are doing the best they can with what they have. It reminds me of the concept that we were taught in counselling, which is almost the exact same thing. It's the idea that people can only do the best they can with the knowledge they had/have AT THE TIME.
On a ridiculous level that means that I have the knowledge that picking something unknown off the floor and sticking it in my mouth is a bad idea and could make me terribly ill. My one year old however, does not have that information. So he does the best with the information he has to figure things out. He picks it up, he looks at it and then because some of the most heightened senses a baby has are in their mouth he sticks it right in there. With all the information I can look at him and think, "What a stupid person. How could they not know that would make them terribly ill?" However, I haven't stopped to think, "Has anyone taught him that? Did he understand when he was taught it? What did he experience versus what he was told he would experience?"
Obviously this can be extrapolated to much more serious situations or circumstances. Often, people can shame themselves and place a lot of guilt on themselves for something that they now know but didn't know at the time they were responding to a situation. I think this can play out as we reflect on parenting, friendships, career choices, abuse...we hold ourselves (and others who have impacted us) accountable for knowledge they may not have had and think "they should have known better." But how should they have known unless they had been taught or shown?
This quote from Brene Brown was a great reminder for me to stop before I get frustrated or overwhelmed or a little "holier than thou" and think instead, "this person is trying their best".
I feel the need to put the disclaimer that there are situations in which this is not the case, someone DID know better, someone wasn't trying their best and they truly hurt someone else. This quote is, perhaps this is obvious to state, not all encompassing and is a guideline and not a hard and fast rule. I feel myself going down a rabbit trail with this one. If you want me to expand or clarify just let me know. I'd be happy to do so!
For now I will end this here! Thanks for reading!
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