Pensive Procrastination

  Wow, in typing that out I've realized just how many days I've missed. With only 7 days (less when I finally get this posted) left until Christmas I've missed a good half of the days I meant to post. This, however, is a great example of expectation management. I feel like I am constantly managing expectations these days, not only my kid's but especially my own.  I don't know about you guys but in many ways I expected myself to be a very different parent. Some days I get to see glimpses of who I thought I would be as a Mom but for the majority of my motherhood journey I have looked at myself in moments of parenting and thought, "Who are you?" I think there are a lot of different things at play here, one being that when I was thinking on what I would be like as a parent I had yet to experience the weight of parenting nor the pure exhaustion that can happen.  There was a moment early on in my parenting journey that made me stop and think…how would I do this

 Again, as I start another blog post I'm not really sure I will have anything worthwhile to say and I haven't had a lot of opportunity today to just let my mind wander while I think about things. I've started to feel like this was just terrible timing to start something like this! Though through the exercise of writing and thinking about what to write I have noticed myself responding to situations differently than I may have in the past and each of these things is making my days feel a little lighter. For example, this morning my middle child was trying to get up on a chair at the table and somehow ended up on the floor with a bowl of cereal and milk all over his head. Now, normally I would have found myself getting quite frustrated with this situation. Often times, in all honesty, these moments just feel like one more thing has been added to my to do list that never seems to get finished. Most of the time I'm not able to laugh about it- at best I will sigh quietly and

I’m having a hard time coming up with an idea for today’s blog. I have all these ideas written up in a little note on my phone and for some reason none of them seem to be sticking out to me. This is always the difficulty that I have found with writing, if an idea doesn’t “catch” me in some way I really struggle to write about it. Hence the fact that I have started two books in my lifetime and I have not finished either of them. I think this is also due to the fact that I get overwhelmed by the sheer amount of writing ahead of me and then instead of taking it piece by piece I just stop (remember my freeze response I mentioned in an earlier post?). Now though this opens the debate that if this was meant to be a challenge for me to write no matter what for 25 days then I really just need to pick one of these ideas and write about it.  I was going to go grab a book that I have that is full of writing prompts and ideas, I find it helpful sometimes for just sparking an idea but it’s ALL THE

  I’ve been thinking about this topic for a while ever since I read an interesting article by an obstetrician back when I was pregnant at the beginning of the year. I was trying to see if I could find anything helpful for pain management in labour and I came across this article where the obstetrician said that in her experience when women were in labour and in the transition stage (which for those of you that haven’t had a baby is generally right before you have the baby and one of the most painful parts) that this was often when they would express that they couldn’t do it anymore. Typically, she noticed that, at this point a lot of women would say that they gave up/ they couldn’t do it/it was too much and if they were attempting an unmedicated birth they would often ask for an epidural. She also noticed that the effect that this created was that everyone drew near to the birthing mom and began to encourage and support her more than they may have been previously. It also was a good ind

  In starting this post immediately this poem by Emily Dickenson came to mind; “Hope” is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops - at all - And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard - And sore must be the storm - That could abash the little Bird That kept so many warm - I’ve heard it in the chillest land - And on the strangest Sea - Yet - never - in Extremity, It asked a crumb - of me. I'm not sure why but I love this idea of hope being a "thing with feathers that perches on the soul". There's something about that picture that I find so encouraging.  Hope can be an incredibly hard thing to hold onto, especially when we go through and experience all the difficulties and pains of life. All that challenges our hope, especially when our hope is in things that are ever shifting. Hope feels elusive when our idea of hope is based on something elusive. That is not one of the clearest sentences I have ever written

 Alright friends, I'm in the middle of writing another blog post that I have been working on for two days. Unfortunately, between clients, sick kids and my own appointments I have not had a chance to finish it. Last night I went to bed at 8:30pm- I didn't fall asleep right away but I was in bed and then I was up with our youngest from 2-4 so I'm just a bit tired. This has been quite the week in our household with all the sickness and the our schedules just being full than normal...phew. I'm sure many of you are experiencing the same thing. The lead up to Christmas can feel so busy and get so full that it makes it hard to enjoy.  So, this blog today is just going to be a mishmash of my thoughts and hopefully tomorrow I will actually be able to get the post on hope I've been working on done and completed and shared with you guys. A friend sent me a suggestion today to do a post on laughter and I love the idea, at first I was going to table that one for tomorrow but ri

 I have to try really hard not to begin these posts with "so". Apparently, that is my go to starter word...which is odd but true. I skipped yesterday due to the cold that was taking each member of our house captive one by one. Why is it never all at once? Sometimes this feels it would be easier than this long, drawn out affair we have been experiencing. Our youngest has had a fever for the past two days and while at first she handled it like a champ she, like all of us, only had so much to give before she just decided the whole being sick things sucks and is no over it. Anyway, I skipped yesterday and considered skipping today as well but then I felt like I wasn't really challenging myself then. So this might be another lighter post but the point was for me to write every day not write something groundbreaking every day (or ever!). So, when I looked at my list of things one that stuck out to me was Bible verses that have impacted me. I think that even if you aren't a

So, originally I had meant to post about another topic related to joy which was was finding joy in all circumstances. However, as I pondered this topic I was having a hard time connecting with it...I'm not sure why but there it is. Then, today, as I was driving to pick up my grocery order, I was listening through my top listened to songs on YouTube music and this song came on called "While We Wait" by Amanda Cook. I listened to this song a lot in the lead up to our youngest's birth this April. Though the lyrics weren't entirely applicable to my situation it played one time when I was feeling very done with being pregnant and it was just a good reminder that there can be so much good in the waiting.  The part of the song that stood out to me was, "And through it all your promise stands That you're with us while we wait While we hope for better days You're with us while we wait". I think finding joy in the waiting of life can be so hard, especially

 I had another post planned for today but with two sick kids and a sick husband I've decided to give myself a break from a somewhat more difficult topic that requires a functioning brain and write about something easier instead. As of right now this is going to be a hodge podge mix of different memories but there may end up being a theme at the end- only time will tell! I remember Christmas as a kid feeling like such a magical peaceful time. Any memory I have of Christmas immediately makes me feel warm and cozy. I'm honestly having a hard time picking just one memory from my childhood, partly because I'm starting to wonder if some of them are a weird amalgamation of multiple Christmases. The image that keeps coming to mind is a church that is pleasantly dark, lit by candlelight and the warm smell of evergreen trees and melting wax fills the air. There is the happy murmur of conversation as congregants and families and friends all chat after the service. In this compilation

 This post is being written much later than I would like but it will have to do...I know I'll be able to get it done in time to post and that's really what I'm aiming for. I had been looking through my list of blog topics and having a hard time with one that I felt I connected with and could easily write about in a shorter time frame.  As I looked through the list with my sleeping daughter laying heavily on my arm I realized the one that was probably most appropriate for my day and the one that would challenge me to really be vulnerable and open...and that's vulnerable parenting.  This idea has two pieces to me...how am I a vulnerable parent to my children and how am I a vulnerable about my parenting or my experience parenting with other people.  Today...this week...okay the last three months in particular have been a bit rough in the parenting department. With my eldest back at school my middle one lost his best friend and playmate. That paired with a kid who really fe

 As I typed out this title I think that I have potentially done a post like this before but it felt like a topic that I could write about fairly easily and starting off with "doable" topics seemed like a good way to keep myself motivated to keep writing.  #1- 1984 by George Orwell I know it's a bit of a weird one but it was one of the first books I read that really made me think and consider an entirely different world...that also seemed like it could be plausible. I think it also spoke to that dramatic, emotional, overly contemplative side of the teenage me. When I was reading it I remember feeling older and adult. It was also a ton of fun to analyze in English class...and I think I can safely say I was one of the only people who felt that way. This book remained one of my favourites for quite some time, and I enjoyed studying it again in university. This book always connects with that part of me that is a bit "darker", maybe pessimistic is a better word...I

I'm already off to a bad start. When I sat down to write this today I literally looked at my blog ideas on my phone, picked one, stared at it for a second, couldn't figure out instantly how to start and decided to watch Instagram stories instead. Now I'm starting this much later than intended and with no more creative inspiration than what I started with. I always find beginnings the hardest with writing. In school I often struggled to start writing a paper until I felt happy with the introduction sentence or paragraph. That is not a good hang up to have. Anyway, as always, I digress. This is a blog post about the show Stranger Things and how it got me pondering mental health, support systems and community not about how I struggle to begin. I'm not sure how many of you have watched the most recent season of Stranger Things. To be honest, when we started watching it I said to Rob, "I think you're going to have to watch this season without me but remember it in v