Day 9- Transition

 I’ve been thinking about this topic for a while ever since I read an interesting article by an obstetrician back when I was pregnant at the beginning of the year. I was trying to see if I could find anything helpful for pain management in labour and I came across this article where the obstetrician said that in her experience when women were in labour and in the transition stage (which for those of you that haven’t had a baby is generally right before you have the baby and one of the most painful parts) that this was often when they would express that they couldn’t do it anymore. Typically, she noticed that, at this point a lot of women would say that they gave up/ they couldn’t do it/it was too much and if they were attempting an unmedicated birth they would often ask for an epidural. She also noticed that the effect that this created was that everyone drew near to the birthing mom and began to encourage and support her more than they may have been previously. It also was a good indicator to the people attending the birth that they better get ready for baby to come and so they were all more prepared. 

I found this to be a helpful perspective just in understanding the purpose of that intensity of pain and to really remind myself what my midwives had told me in previous births- that it meant that baby would be there soon (hurray!). But then I started thinking, isn’t this kind of true beyond the birthing experience? That often the times of change and transition can be the hardest, most difficult and painful parts of our lives. Or even the other way around that those periods of pain and difficulty often bring about change and can give us something new and wonderful. 

So often in our pain we shut others out- be it because of shame or depression or the hurt just seems too overwhelming to express. Yet, I wonder, if we expressed it openly and honestly would we experience the same thing many labouring mothers do? Would we find that people gathered around us in support and care? Would we find it easier to get through that pain, to maybe find purpose in the difficulty or see the goodness that might come if we saw it 1) as temporary and 2) as bringing or opening us up to a new life…new goodness. 

I think one of the hardest parts when giving birth (in my experience) is trying to remember that it won’t last forever and that something good will come of it. When the pain becomes all consuming and it’s the only thing I focus on I sometimes forget that something good is coming OR I just don’t want to do the work anymore to get that good thing at the end (which, totally valid…labour is absolutely exhausting). When I can shift my perspective and remind myself, “Hey. I can do this. I’ve done this before. I can do hard things. This hard thing won’t last forever. Something good is coming.” then suddenly it feels more manageable.

I’ve found myself taking this perspective recently a lot in terms of life and parenthood. These difficult moments with my 3 year old, these long nights with a baby who doesn't like to sleep…they won't last forever and I can do hard things. Not only because of my own ability (because goodness knows my own abilities often leave something to be desired) but because of Christ in me, working through me and through the prayers of others. 

The other night as I was holding our youngest and she was crying and not settling and I felt my frustrations mounting and suddenly this calm came over me…this reminder that she is probably scared and confused because she doesn't feel well and she doesn't know why. And I just knew in that moment someone's prayers for me had provided me with the patience and grace I needed and had come with the truth that my little babe was just as overwhelmed as me. There was that reminder that eventually she would settle, that there will be a night where she won't need to be held and cuddled and told she is safe. It didn't make it any more enjoyable really to be up in the middle of the night when I would have much preferred to be sleeping in my bed snuggled in the blankets but it did give me the ability to put it in perspective. 

Obviously, this example is a small hardship and the bigger ones are much more difficult to see as bringing forth good change and newness to our lives (in a positive sense) if we let them. I think it still applies though, if I can change my narrative my story obviously changes. If a difficulty brings goodness instead of despair then everything can change. This perspective shift has helped me immensely and I hope that perhaps it might help you too.