Again, as I start another blog post I'm not really sure I will have anything worthwhile to say and I haven't had a lot of opportunity today to just let my mind wander while I think about things. I've started to feel like this was just terrible timing to start something like this! Though through the exercise of writing and thinking about what to write I have noticed myself responding to situations differently than I may have in the past and each of these things is making my days feel a little lighter.
For example, this morning my middle child was trying to get up on a chair at the table and somehow ended up on the floor with a bowl of cereal and milk all over his head. Now, normally I would have found myself getting quite frustrated with this situation. Often times, in all honesty, these moments just feel like one more thing has been added to my to do list that never seems to get finished. Most of the time I'm not able to laugh about it- at best I will sigh quietly and start to clean things up. But this morning I took a breath and then I laughed because the ridiculousness of the situation just had to be laughed at. This made me think about all the other moments in the midst of the unpleasantness of the past two weeks that have brought me joy and that I wouldn't have necessarily noticed if I wasn't actively thinking about it.
There was this moment recently in the car when our youngest started crying, she does it infrequently elsewhere but very frequently in the car, and both of our older sons started chatting away to her and singing songs and leaning in to engage with her. It made me laugh- she was so quickly responded to by them and so smothered in attention and love. It made my heart feel so FULL. Because this is what I had kind of hoped for when I pictured having three children. I had hoped for a bond where they loved on each other and cared for each other. This just gave me a glimpse of what their relationships could be like as they get older, where they will care for each other and laugh together. It was a needed reminder in the middle of a week full of siblings arguments and fights.
Another thing that brought me joy happened when I took my eldest out on his own to go and grab some things that we needed from the store. It was so joyful to spend some time just with him, hearing about his day and about his friends and just his thoughts. We went into the Dollarstore to get some cookie tins and he was just so thrilled with all of the different Christmas decorations, "Look at these Christmas bells, Mommy!" "Look a little Santa Clause." "My teacher has this tree, maybe this is where she got it!" "This tin is pretty." "Look at all these sparkly Christmas decorations!" and so on and so forth. With SO MUCH enthusiasm and I couldn't help but grin at it. He was so purely full of joy. I love watching our kids experience new things.
I remember a couple of summers ago I went out on the motor boat with our older two for the first time. While it may be silly their excitement and joy brought tears to my eyes. It's such a gift to get to see them enjoy these little things in life, that I've forgotten are so joy-filled or just enjoyable for the sake of being enjoyable. I love watching their eyes light up and I love hearing their laughter. It was just the pure innocence in that moment, of them getting to experience something they loved and enjoy it so freely.
(For balance I am currently listening to music to drown out my 3 year old's incessant talking and noises...I love the kid and I love how chatty he is...and simultaneously sometimes it's really nice to just have no talking...haha)
I think that if I hadn't recently had the reminder to slow down and look for joy and to find joy in all circumstances I might not have stored some of these moments away recently. I think I definitely would not have felt as calm and joyful as I have the past two weeks with all the sickness and complete lack of sleep. There was also this reminder that God is enough for me, He is enough to sustain me even when I quite literally feel like I'm running off fumes. The reminder came in the form of an Instagram post on trusting God with our sleep. It seems silly, because it's such a basic thing that it's sometimes something I forget to trust God with because it seems so small. Here's what it said,
"Sleep is an act of surrender, a chance to pray, 'God, you are in control and I am not'... God is not holding out on us, and he can and will sustain us in our exhaustion. We can plead with him for the physical rest we need and- no matter how He answers- trust that if he's called us to a particular work or season our labour is not in vain."-Sarah Houser
This was a reminder for me of what I had written about recently. A reminder that God is provider and that He can use all things for my good and so because of that I can experience peace, joy and hope. I can remind myself that not only is this only for a time but that He can also use this to teach me and grow me in new and wonderful ways. Would I prefer He did it in another way. Yes. 100%. There is currently not enough coffee to sustain me which leads me to leaning into God to sustain me.
Anyway, this started one place and ended up somewhere entirely different. But I finally have something to post, so that's something. Hopefully, I will be able to get consistently at this again!
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