So, originally I had meant to post about another topic related to joy which was was finding joy in all circumstances. However, as I pondered this topic I was having a hard time connecting with it...I'm not sure why but there it is. Then, today, as I was driving to pick up my grocery order, I was listening through my top listened to songs on YouTube music and this song came on called "While We Wait" by Amanda Cook. I listened to this song a lot in the lead up to our youngest's birth this April. Though the lyrics weren't entirely applicable to my situation it played one time when I was feeling very done with being pregnant and it was just a good reminder that there can be so much good in the waiting.
The part of the song that stood out to me was, "And through it all your promise stands
That you're with us while we wait
While we hope for better days
You're with us while we wait".
I think finding joy in the waiting of life can be so hard, especially when our definition of joy is perhaps the more traditional and standard definition (which is- the emotion of great delight or happiness). Years ago I heard the idea that joy is not really the same as happiness, which is a feeling, but instead is more of an intentional choice or mindset. Specifically, it was the idea that as a Christian my definition of joy needed to be different. This really challenged the way that I looked at and understood joy in my life. It made me look more for joy's undertones in my life, what was at my base, what was my approach and attitude in life?
Recently, in the Bible study I'm a part of, we are studying the book of Philippians (specifically joy in all things) and we were discussing how joy is not, in fact, extreme happiness. One of the women had found this quote that we all found really helpful in changing our perspective of what joy truly means. The quote is by Kay Warren and it says, "Joy is...a settled conviction ABOUT God. A quiet confidence IN God. A determined choice to give my praise TO God."
I think that while we wait for something, especially if that thing is hard to wait for/through/in (waiting for a diagnosis, a life partner, a baby, to be pregnant, loneliness to end) we can feel that we're not being joyful if we're not happily waiting for those things. However, I don't think that's what God necessarily calls us to. He doesn't call us to only experience the feeling of happiness but joy and longing/sadness/heartache/etc. He knows that we are human, in fact he knows what it's like to BE human having lived as a human experiencing heartache, sadness, joy, anger...and the list goes on. So he knows we will experience a range of emotions and a beautiful mess of them all at once.
I think that's why I love "While We Wait" so much because it is a reminder of where I find my joy while I wait...I find it in Him. Not only because I have a deep abiding joy that comes from beyond my circumstance and comes from the truth that I am loved, secure and safe eternally but because He is WITH me. Bringing me comfort, pointing out the small things to be grateful for in the waiting, reminding me that He has truly good timing in all things. With joy comes hope and peace and love (I think).
One of the things I find myself often talking about in the counselling space is the fact that we aren't ever just one feeling. One feeling may dominate at certain times, in moments of grief the sadness may feel overwhelming and yet...at the same time... somewhere in there is a feeling of happiness (maybe at a memory of the lost loved one) and potentially of anger and maybe hope.
We're never just one feeling. So, while we feel joy we have the freedom to also feel sadness and maybe even hurt and we have the freedom to express both those things to God. Maybe it would look something like this, "God, I know Your plans are Good. That You work for the Good of those who love You and I rejoice in the fact that You are with me in this crappy stuff. I am so grateful of the good gifts You have placed in my life. And God I'm hurt. I feel like You're not seeing me or hearing how much this hurts. I'm confused why You aren't giving me what I've been asking You for and I'm struggling to see the good in the waiting...I'm struggling to find the joy."
I think if we ask for it though...He'll help us find the joy.
Having this blog on my mind the past two days has changed the way I've been looking at my days. I've been looking for joy in the every day, in the moments that are less than joyful (like my 7 month old projectile spitting up/vomiting all over me right before bed and right after her bedtime feed).
It has been such a good reminder and I want to keep reminding myself of the joy in the waiting. It feels especially applicable as we lead up to Christmas because there is so much joy to be had in the waiting, because we KNOW something good is coming. The birth of our Saviour. Though, that waiting probably didn't feel so joyful to the Jewish people, it was probably more of a struggle...they were probably having to intentionally have attitudes of joy. It's that idea of both and not either or. I hope that this inspires you to start searching for those moments of joy in your life too...even if they are tiny crumbs (that seem even too small for a mouse). See those moments and reflect on them and rejoice in them and ask for help to see them if you're stuck...I feel pretty confident your ask will be heard and responded to. Go forward in joy, dear friends.
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