Originally when I started typing out this post I was going to follow along the same lines as yesterday but as I opened it up again to work on it I thought it might be nice to do something a little lighter and more chill. So I've opened up my tab that has some suggested writing prompts and I'm going to go from there. If I had a huge following of you on here or Instagram I could do one of those polls, "What question number should I answer 1-28?" But alas, I don't have the time, dedication, nor desire to become famous on Instagram so I can do those kinds of polls. So you're just stuck reading whatever tickles my fancy in the world of writing today.
The one for today's date is actually really interesting so I think that I will write on it. Partly because it does slightly follow along with what I was writing about yesterday and the day before. The question or prompt is "Describe your ideal friend. Do you live up to this description in your friendships?" I might not answer this exact question but I will respond to it, which means if I was being graded I would probably lose marks but not totally bomb. :)
You know what, as I went to type out things that are ideal to me in a friend I started to wonder if I met people and then because I liked them then the characteristics I loved, admired or appreciated about them became the things that I think are ideal in a friend...
Does that even make sense?
If you had asked me 10 years ago if my ideal friend would challenge me or question me I'm not sure I would have said yes. I think I would have found this to be a frightening prospect, I would have thought, "Does this mean we would disagree?!" And that idea would have scared me to no end. Disagreement to me in the past often meant that there was something wrong and that I was at risk of losing the person's love or friendship. I think that many of us in society today experience this fear to a degree because of how polarized some topics have become and how much we sometimes over identify with our opinions or ideas. However, now having had the blessing of being in friendship with someone who does challenge my ideas, responses or perspectives it is something I value greatly. In my experience when someone lovingly (key word being LOVINGLY) challenges me on something it is because they desire to see me grow, to live in greater freedom or because they see the negative impact the thought/response/idea is having on my relationships.
That being said, I think that in order to have friends who can challenge me I think we both need to be authentic and real with one another. So, I would say ideally a friend is authentic. This characteristic is however partly up to me in terms of creating a space where they feel safe and comfortable being their authentic selves. So, as much as it takes courage on that person's part it also takes me being open and accepting.
Ideally I also love being able to laugh with my friends, people who can find the humour in the every day situations of life are my kind of people. Especially since becoming a parent I greatly value the person who can help me find the humour in situations like a child throwing a temper tantrum while I try to strap them into a stroller...or the humour in postpartum recovery. It helps remind me that it isn't as big of a deal as it may feel at the time. I think also the people who can help you laugh at something also are the ones that have your back. The distinction begin that they are helping you find the humour in your situation... not just laughing at you as you struggle through something- that sounds like a crap friend to have.
Ideally with a friend I want to be able to go deep. I love having those heart to heart chats where we get to hear where the other person is at...their victories and their struggles. I think this also falls back to the whole authenticity thing...if we're not authentic then doing this does become a struggle. I love those chats that can go on for hours, that you never want to stop. The sharing of stories, memories, ideas, brainstorming about ways to respond to situations (some of which you know once out of the bubble of the conversation you'll never follow through on)...it all just flows. As I was typing that it reminded me of this quote that I found a few years ago by L.M. Montomery, "If you can sit in silence with a person for half an hour and yet be entirely comfortable, you and that person can be friends." I love that idea! Silence used to frighten me but over time it has become more comfortable and I owe this to friends who have shown me the blessing of comfortable silences.
The last thing I'll say about this as I'm not really sure that this is all that interesting of a topic is that something I greatly value in a friend is someone who is willing to just do life together. Especially in the business that is parenting someone who will come grocery shopping, sit and talk to me while I was dishes or put a load of laundry on, hang out with me and my kids while attempting to hold some sort of conversation...this quality of being willing to just do life is such a gift. It isn't glamourous but not much in life is as a parent. There's also not a whole lot of time where life isn't on the go and happening so doing life together is basically one of the only options.
I hope that I offer these things in my friendships. I know that I'm not perfect and I know that since becoming a Mom my availability has decreased which means that in some ways I'm not following through on these things as much as I would like with my friends. I appreciate that I have friends in my life who are willing to seek me out every once and a while so we can connect.
I hope that was at least somewhat interesting...at least it was a bit lighter! I didn't edit this (and haven't really been editing) post so please forgive any grammar or spelling errors! Thanks for reading, friends!
The one for today's date is actually really interesting so I think that I will write on it. Partly because it does slightly follow along with what I was writing about yesterday and the day before. The question or prompt is "Describe your ideal friend. Do you live up to this description in your friendships?" I might not answer this exact question but I will respond to it, which means if I was being graded I would probably lose marks but not totally bomb. :)
You know what, as I went to type out things that are ideal to me in a friend I started to wonder if I met people and then because I liked them then the characteristics I loved, admired or appreciated about them became the things that I think are ideal in a friend...
Does that even make sense?
If you had asked me 10 years ago if my ideal friend would challenge me or question me I'm not sure I would have said yes. I think I would have found this to be a frightening prospect, I would have thought, "Does this mean we would disagree?!" And that idea would have scared me to no end. Disagreement to me in the past often meant that there was something wrong and that I was at risk of losing the person's love or friendship. I think that many of us in society today experience this fear to a degree because of how polarized some topics have become and how much we sometimes over identify with our opinions or ideas. However, now having had the blessing of being in friendship with someone who does challenge my ideas, responses or perspectives it is something I value greatly. In my experience when someone lovingly (key word being LOVINGLY) challenges me on something it is because they desire to see me grow, to live in greater freedom or because they see the negative impact the thought/response/idea is having on my relationships.
That being said, I think that in order to have friends who can challenge me I think we both need to be authentic and real with one another. So, I would say ideally a friend is authentic. This characteristic is however partly up to me in terms of creating a space where they feel safe and comfortable being their authentic selves. So, as much as it takes courage on that person's part it also takes me being open and accepting.
Ideally I also love being able to laugh with my friends, people who can find the humour in the every day situations of life are my kind of people. Especially since becoming a parent I greatly value the person who can help me find the humour in situations like a child throwing a temper tantrum while I try to strap them into a stroller...or the humour in postpartum recovery. It helps remind me that it isn't as big of a deal as it may feel at the time. I think also the people who can help you laugh at something also are the ones that have your back. The distinction begin that they are helping you find the humour in your situation... not just laughing at you as you struggle through something- that sounds like a crap friend to have.
Ideally with a friend I want to be able to go deep. I love having those heart to heart chats where we get to hear where the other person is at...their victories and their struggles. I think this also falls back to the whole authenticity thing...if we're not authentic then doing this does become a struggle. I love those chats that can go on for hours, that you never want to stop. The sharing of stories, memories, ideas, brainstorming about ways to respond to situations (some of which you know once out of the bubble of the conversation you'll never follow through on)...it all just flows. As I was typing that it reminded me of this quote that I found a few years ago by L.M. Montomery, "If you can sit in silence with a person for half an hour and yet be entirely comfortable, you and that person can be friends." I love that idea! Silence used to frighten me but over time it has become more comfortable and I owe this to friends who have shown me the blessing of comfortable silences.
The last thing I'll say about this as I'm not really sure that this is all that interesting of a topic is that something I greatly value in a friend is someone who is willing to just do life together. Especially in the business that is parenting someone who will come grocery shopping, sit and talk to me while I was dishes or put a load of laundry on, hang out with me and my kids while attempting to hold some sort of conversation...this quality of being willing to just do life is such a gift. It isn't glamourous but not much in life is as a parent. There's also not a whole lot of time where life isn't on the go and happening so doing life together is basically one of the only options.
I hope that I offer these things in my friendships. I know that I'm not perfect and I know that since becoming a Mom my availability has decreased which means that in some ways I'm not following through on these things as much as I would like with my friends. I appreciate that I have friends in my life who are willing to seek me out every once and a while so we can connect.
I hope that was at least somewhat interesting...at least it was a bit lighter! I didn't edit this (and haven't really been editing) post so please forgive any grammar or spelling errors! Thanks for reading, friends!
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