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3 Legitimate Fears

This one is actually a hard one for me to think of. Not because I don't have fears because it's hard to pick one and make it concise. So bear with me...

1. I'm terrified of Math, more specifically being asked math questions in front of people and being expected to answer them. My mind goes literally blank. I just don't get math, I've also always detested it because there is only one right answer. I know that's why a lot of people love it. But I like English because there are more correct answers as long as you can logically prove your point. You can't do that in math, therefore it scares me. I believe that this fear started in grade 4 when our teacher would give us at least 4 pages of math homework every night. I was slow at it but I could normally figure it out. It would take me at least an hour and when it got harder tears were normally involved. This is also when I remember doing the timed math tests too, which made my heart beat so fast and I would feel so nauseous and want to cry. Eventually a math tutor informed me that I was in fact NOT incompetent when in came to math but that he figured I probably just had test anxiety.

2.  I fear walking alone in the dark, be it outside or inside. When I am alone in the dark when I am outside I tend to sing and make loud noises. Not to scare people away but to scare massive bears away. I think that most people are probably afraid of the dark to some degree. Something about not being able to see things makes my imagination run wild. Even if I've just turned off the lights and nothing was there, as soon as I turn off the lights I'm convinced there are murders, monsters, demons, evil people, creepy animals. Whatever my brain feels like imagining it does and I go tearing out of that room. I'm normally saying a silent prayer or singing a song in my head (or out loud). I'm not sure where this started. It was probably when I was little and heard ghost stories, or stories of people hiding in closets or people getting attacked by bears. Who knows, but I'm afraid of it and it's legitimate.

3. I also fear being a bad mother. I've mentioned something along these lines in one of my posts. It is more the fear of missing something small that is significant. Some people the more they hear about child development and psychological theories they are more excited to have children. That is not me. The more I hear about the little things that influence people and all the different theories and all the things that I could do wrong, I feel overwhelmed and fear that I will not parent properly or well. Along those lines I fear my children moving away from God, that perhaps is the biggest fear underlying the fear of not being a good mother. Though I believe that you can be a perfect mother and your children might still make the choice to turn from God.

So there you have it. A look into my fears. I ask you do not use the first one against me, as when people normally find out they like shouting math questions at me. "7x6!" "84 divided by 6!" "5+7!" Then I get over whelmed and I want to cry because I feel ashamed. :) See you tomorrow for: Describe your relationship with your parents. :)

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