My heart

I’ve been having a blast writing these blogs recently. I hope the 10 or so of you who read them are also having a blast reading them. :P 

I had forgotten how much joy I get out of writing, for years it has been the way that I connected to God best, and also for a year or so it’s something I’ve stayed away from, for a variety of reasons. But that’s a blog post for another time, maybe tomorrow? ;) Or perhaps when I feel that’s the direction God is guiding my typing fingers. 

My spiritual director and I were talking the other week about “Kairos” moments, which means in ancient Greek, loosely translated, a right or opportune moment. Or in the context her and I were talking about, the way that we best connect with God. So, in a sense, the opportune moments for us to connect with God. Make sense? When she asked what my kairos moment(s) was/were I didn’t have to think twice. 

Being with people, encouraging people, really TALKING with people, asking the “How’s your heart?” question and getting a real answer. 

But as I think back on these blog posts, and where my growth with God has truly blossomed, I would have to say that my kairos moment might also happen through writing. Honest writing. Bringing to Him my thoughts, the stories in my head, my pains, my joys, my questions about the Old Testament (some of which I’m still asking). my sins.

I love it when I write a story and feel joy in my heart, knowing that God placed it there for me to write. 

Often I look back at old journals (and by old I don’t mean jr.high old, those are just embarrassing... for everyone) I can’t believe that I wrote the things I wrote, and I know that that sort of understanding only comes from God. I don’t say this to boast in myself. I say this to bring glory to God’s work, to talk about God's amazing... amazingness (ever find you can't find a word to describe something awesome and you sit there doing this movement with your hands like you're trying to draw it out...I was just doing that). Doesn’t Paul talk about something like that about not boasting in ourselves but in Christ in us? Google informs me I was thinking about Galatians 6:13-14.

 God has guided my fingers often throughout my writing. There’s always a distinct difference between something God inspired and something me inspired. AKA  when it's wrong, or unloving, you get the picture.

That poem I wrote last week...that wasn’t me inspired. If I tried to write something like that, it wouldn’t come out like that. It would come out something like that last sentence. :) 

The reason why I really started this post was because of this song I heard on the radio the other day, and the one line says this:

“My heart will sing no other name...Jesus, Jesus”

How beautiful is that?

It makes me think of standing at camp at the top of the hill behind the dining hall right near where we normally put the fire for flamebattlers (for my camp people I hope you’re getting the mental picture). When you stand on this hill late at night you feel like you're standing at the edge of the world looking out into the sky. Like if you stepped forward you might step into space. I remember standing there once, I think in my second year or so of counselling, and staring up at this dark sky with all these piercing, clear, white dots in the sky, and joy filled my chest and I felt tiny and loved and embraced and free. I think, at that moment, my heart cried no other name but “Jesus... Jesus”.