Pensive Procrastination

These few short lines came to me last night while I was talking with two of the most wise women that I know. Thank- you God for modern technology that keeps me connected to friends across the world. Father God you bring me comfort, when I know not whose arms to run to. You give me peace when my heart is not at rest. You remind me of Your love for me, when I am most unlovable. Awesome God you display your work in artistic sunsets, and joy filled miracles. You remind me of your might when standing under a starlight sky. Or through the steady beat of my heart in the silence. God of Truth you speak, when lies seem to be all I hear. Your arms of protection surround me, your truth fills my soul. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to expand on this or not. Whenever I try it always sounds silly and forced, so I will leave it at that. God is certainly taking me on adventures this week! Some day I'm sure I'll write about them. God has been giving me so many ...

Not quite sure what this blog post is going to turn into yet..so it may be disconnected. I've been thinking about the fact that people say that if you really want to start blogging you should write everyday! I hate to burst everyone's bubble who reads this, but my life isn't exciting enough to write something everyday. I don't do any crafts or DIY projects, so that goes out the window. I do bake, but the process isn't beautiful, and well we don't own a camera so there would be no pictures of the outcome. I could tell you about my day, but frankly I think I would lose you instead of gain more readers. I've also been thinking about that comment I made the other day and I've been wondering when the time will come to tell you about it. There are maybe three people who know about it, my husband, one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world, and my spiritual director. But I just don't feel like now's the time, or maybe I'm hoping to dra...

I’ve been having a blast writing these blogs recently. I hope the 10 or so of you who read them are also having a blast reading them. :P  I had forgotten how much joy I get out of writing, for years it has been the way that I connected to God best, and also for a year or so it’s something I’ve stayed away from, for a variety of reasons. But that’s a blog post for another time, maybe tomorrow? ;) Or perhaps when I feel that’s the direction God is guiding my typing fingers.  My spiritual director and I were talking the other week about “Kairos” moments, which means in ancient Greek, loosely translated, a right or opportune moment. Or in the context her and I were talking about, the way that we best connect with God. So, in a sense, the opportune moments for us to connect with God. Make sense? When she asked what my kairos moment(s) was/were I didn’t have to think twice.  Being with people, encouraging people, really TALKING with people, asking the “How’s your ...

The wedding... I’ve wanted to write about the wedding now for a while. I think that there’s something really wonderful about being able to write about the day. Partly because when telling someone about your wedding day you don’t tend to tell people that moments before walking down the aisle your hands were so sweaty that they were slippery, and that you couldn’t drink coffee all morning because your stomach was in knots and you felt like it was doing some kind of intense marathon dance party or something. My stomach WAS in knots, I DID avoid coffee all morning, I barely ate anything until dinner, and I felt like I might die of nerves before I walked down that aisle. All eyes on me, because it’s MY day right? Haha, wrong. It was our day, a day to glorify God in the presence of those we loved. Yet I had focused so much on it not being at all about me that the thought of people focusing on me was a terrifying prospect. Everyone was there for us, to celebrate with us, and wheth...

As you can tell recently I've felt this urge to write. I was sitting attempting to write a paper yesterday, which wasn't really the type of writing my heart was longing for. So I opened another word document and said, "God, I just want to write for You...I miss it." And here was His response to my desire... God, I want to write a song that speaks about your grace yet sadly in this head of mine I’m stuck in a hurting place. I sit here crying out to You, asking where You’ve been Along this long, hard road of mine undoubtedly filled with sin. I’m reaching out, I’m calling you, I’m crying in my mind But deep inside this heart of mine it’s emptiness you’d find. Three years ago I felt my heart build walls against your voice Afraid that I wasn’t hearing you and making the wrong choice. I heard this voice inside my head, reciting “You’re not loved, You haven’t done enough for Him to reach His heights above”. I’ve struggled with this quiet voice, whic...

After a classmate made a comment in class today that learning about more of these personality and developmental theories made them really want to have kids and I realized something. I'm the complete opposite! The more I learn about these developmental stages, the ways that raising your children can hinder or encourage them, the more I see others parent, the closer Rob and I get to considering the possibility of having children of our own the more absolutely terrified I become. As in my heart starts racing and I think, "God, how on EARTH are we supposed to raise children that love you, respect and love others, and have a heart for the lost and broken?!" This especially begins to happen when I think about being under the watchful eye of family...:S I read a blog recently that just seemed to stir that little anxious ball inside me. Marriage and kids is hard! I think that anyone who tries to tell you differently is either lying or they've figured out a marvelous secret...