Pensive Procrastination

As the day of my birth arrives I've been having some conversations around goals for my next year of life as well as just reflections on life so far. I'm still young, a spring chicken in some ways, I like to think.  I've been reflecting on the fact that I'm not particularly career driven. This feels like a shameful fact to admit. Don't get me wrong...I love my work and I seek to do it well. It is an incredible honour and privilege to do the work that I do. It is more rewarding, humbling and inspiring than I ever could have predicted. I cannot picture myself doing anything else.  But in that I'm not focused on basing my success on my career success. I have written and deleted so many sentence in an attempt to explain this and I now think I understand why my husband hates so much to fill out random personality tests I excitedly present to him. There are just too many variables to explain. Would I pick a seminar on a topic on something that would be useful to my wor

Shout out to Jen for being my first sounding board for this poem. Love you, friend! Loneliness It sounds bad, doesn't it? Disconnected and isolated. But I think back To times I was most lonely And that was where I was met  Most. Where I felt God see me And know me And love me Most deeply. And while I was still alone And deeply felt that loneliness I also felt so seen And accepted  And loved. My sadness was not gone My desire for Connection Relationship Community Did not disappear  But It became bearable It became Enriching Life Giving Rewarding And full of growth.

If I were to begin writing again,  where would I start? Have I lost the power to use my words- To use my words to craft pictures, feelings, senses? I question A lot. Is what I have to say important? Unique?  Worth writing down? There is doubt- Doubt that I have anything to add  to an oversaturated  world of words. But then… I love it. There’s healing in words In sharing a thought Expressing a feeling And having it be seen And felt And shared. It connects Me to others  And others to me. And that is what I love That is why I write. To connect To communicate To share. To remind me, you, us That we Are not alone.

Well, so it begins again. I have a desire to write and some time to do it. Unfortunately, these two do not seem to coexist for a very long time together so I'm just going to take it while I can and not set any unrealistic expectations for how long it will continue.  A few months ago when I was walking through the forest with my kids I had a thought that kind of tickled that writer part of my brain. I wanted to sit with it but never really had a chance to sit with it and let the thought grow. I find that this is the hardest part about writing with children around- it is rarely quiet and, unfortunately for me, that is a key part of what I need to be follow a thought through to "completion" (or at the very least communication).  I listened to this podcast recently (called Let's Make a Rom-Com) and the one thing that they did in it was write something called "vomit drafts" where they took an idea and just wrote it out. They weren't attempting to make it good