Battleground

Wow! It's been a great hiatus from the internet world, but Lent is over and I am back! This blog post is one that I began thinking and pondering over the Lent period and these are just some of my ponderings from the Lent period...I hope to post more over the next week but with the end of the term rapidly approaching I may not be able to follow through.

The other day as I was reading my massive textbook on Revelation- I say this not so you are impressed but instead that you might mourn and pray with me ;)- and listening to some worship music a certain song came on that I have come to love, a lot. It’s called “Never Once” by Matt Redman. The first time I heard this song was at my parent’s church and I remember that the imagery just hit me. So often over this time of Lent I have been looking back on this past year, and sometimes far beyond that, and I have just been seeing God’s miraculous and incredible work. The problem is that whenever I attempt to explain it and all that He has done I am at a loss for words. In fact, whenever I start I pretty much always end up saying, “It’s just awesome y’know?!” How frustrating... yet at the same time amazing to be rendered speechless.

I feel as though I’m “kneeling on this battleground seeing just how much [He’s] done” and know that none of it could have happened “without His power in us”. Us... the church, the body of Christ, the bride of Christ who awaits His coming with excitement and anticipation. Yet, this path we walk is a battleground.

I think we can all look back at our lives and see a battleground. Some of ours may be a little messier and bloodier than others but we have all fought our battles and we all have had victories and, unfortunately, some defeats. Sometimes these victories happen amidst pain and suffering and sometimes the victory releases us from a time of darkness. Sometimes it’s the defeats that bring us heartbreak.

I've been learning a lot about suffering lately. I’m writing a paper for my theology class on depression, we've talked in Revelation about the fact that God suffers with us, I've had conversations with people about the suffering that they have faced or are facing in their lives- as well as realizing the heartbreak I feel at times in my own life, and in just reading the news it’s easy to see the suffering that takes place all around us. Yet, while at times in all of this I have felt heartbreak and sadness I have also found relief.

I have found relief in the fact that the God that I serve and worship is not distant. He does not turn His head away from our suffering. He does not stand awkwardly off to the side, unsympathetically patting our heads. He does not shy away from me in my suffering. In fact, the wonderful thing that I have been realizing is that He draws near to me in my suffering or He draws me nearer to Him. It is not that He stops my suffering, though I imagine that He wants to just as close friends and parents wish to take away our hurt and pain, but He supports me and comforts me in my distress. Sure, there are definitely times when this does not feel as though this is the case but when I look back I KNOW it was!  

I have found myself asking the question, “How long Oh Lord? How long?” a lot this past month or so. At times the aching in my heart to be in the presence of God- the great, glorious, loving, comforting, Holy, amazing, awesome and terrifying God has been so great I didn’t know how to stand it. But this aching has just sent me running even more passionately and fervently into His arms. “God’s loving presence is never more real than in times of suffering and persecution”, says my Revelation textbook...who knew I’d find a statement that reverberated so deeply within me in my Exegetical Commentary on Revelation?

The thing is, pain and heartbreak is just part of the human life, but we can find solace in a God who understands our pain because He experiences it with us. In fact, He experienced our pain as He walked in human form on this earth, He experienced our humanity. So, originally I had one passage here but on Good Friday a friend of mine e-mailed me notes from the sermon at her church and the pastor had focused on Hebrews 5:7-9 and it just seemed to fit so much better. :) “In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence. Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered.  And being made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him". 

Christ understands our suffering because He also experienced it, He came and walked on this earth and understood just what it took to live a life of obedience to God here in this world. We have a God who walks, suffers, and cries out with us because He UNDERSTANDS. How incredible to remember. One of my professors gave a sermon about this idea and I want to end off this post with a point that he made in the sermon. In reflecting on his own life experiences he wondered at how he could stay angry with a God who suffered with him in his suffering? He quoted Dietrich Bonheoffer who says, “Only the suffering God felt my suffering...” and my professor ended with the idea that only heavens tears can really heal our own deepest wounds.

May you find comfort in a God who never once allows you to walk alone.