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Reflection

Lately I've been thinking about reflection, self- awareness, change etc and realizing just how scary a lot of these things can be for us. I realize that for some people change and reflection are exciting. Some people love change, they look at their lives to see what they can change and how they can improve themselves and that's awesome!

Sometimes I have those moments, other times when God points out something or touches a little sore spot for me I cover it up and look the other way. I'm attempting to move forward, to accept constructive criticism in a joyful way, but this definitely doesn't come naturally to me. I believe that part of this is due to the fact that I criticize myself enough already. So, when someone points out something in me that I need to grow in that I haven't pinpointed or approached yet, I tend to be pretty upset. Not because I don't agree but because you've pointed out something else in me that is bad, that needs to be worked on, that's broken.

As I've sat through lecture upon lecture in Personalities Theories I've realized how broken I am. As I've sat and talked with my spiritual director I've realized how broken I am, how broken our world is. And it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because there is this amazing healer that I know wants to heal the world. In fact, He came to our world to bind up the broken hearted and set the captives free. In Him I am free, in Him we can all be free.

Have you ever been talking with someone, listening to their fears, hurts and pains and thought "I wish you could just know how much God loves you"? Sometimes I feel like my prayer over and over consists of Paul's prayer for the Ephesians, that everyone would grasp "the breadth and length and height and depth,and know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge"(Ephesians 4:18-19). 


Do you understand the love I'm talking about? The love that says forget your past, forget your mistakes, I love you anyway. Hand your hurts over to me, let me carry them for you. The love that says, "Those fears, those anxieties, I'll take care of them. I have a great and wonderful plan for you! Beyond what you could EVER imagine. I will watch over you, in every minute, I will always be near you." It's not a love that stops anything from ever happening to us. As a wise fish in a movie once said it's a funny promise to say that you will never let anything happen to the ones we love. 


I hear and read a lot of talk about how freeing it is to be loved unconditionally, and we all search to receive that from those who surround us. But see, there's this problem with people, and it's that they're like us. They're imperfect and they're going to hurt us and they're going to let us down. Even the most loving, caring and beautifully hearted person will let us down.

Yet, there is someone who will love us unconditionally, without fault. He will love us when we mess up, when we yell at Him even though it's our fault. He will love us when we hurt him and when we let Him down. That's an amazing love, and it's a love that changes us and gives us what we need to love others. It changes the way we view the world, the way we view ourselves. If we really accept it, it should give us confidence. Confidence to accept criticism and know that it doesn't change our worth or how much we are loved. (Are you listening self?!) This love is a radical love, and I don't think it can be found in anyone else in this world. In fact I know it can't.


Do you understand this love I'm talking about? I don't mean in your head, I mean in your heart, do you understand it?

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