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Becoming Me...and Accepting it

I've been reading this book called "The Happiness Project" (the link takes you to the blog) and I've found it interesting for many different reasons. I find it interesting reading it from the perspective of a Christian, and looking at how to achieve happiness for oneself seems to be a strange concept. This is something that the author, Gretchen Rubin, deals with throughout the book; is it selfish to try to figure out how to make oneself happier. As she goes about things she discovers that often people around her benefit from her attempts at finding happiness.

There's something else that I've been finding fascinating about reading the book but I can't quite put my finger on it, maybe it's just more of the strange feeling about trying to discover happiness so systematically. Maybe it's because it seems so futile since it's somewhat short term, and what does increasing your happiness have to do with eternal life? But I guess we could say that about many things that we do. It just seems so short sighted and pointless, at the same time it has many interesting impacts on the authors life. So really what we have determined is that I'm a little unsure about how I feel about this book but I'm finding it incredibly interesting and thought provoking.

The author has one "Rule of Adulthood" as she calls it which is "Be Gretchen" AKA be yourself, don't try to be anyone else. For example, don't convince yourself you like things that you don't really like just because other people like them. So, just because everyone else around you is raving about how much they love hot yoga it doesn't mean you have to. (Side note #1: I actually do love hot yoga... which I didn't expect to, especially in the winter when you're freezing and it feels like going on vacation for $5) Which really is a good point, because you'll never really find out who you are if you're constantly trying to be other people.

Last night as I was lying wide awake in bed, a little annoyed that I couldn't feel as tired as I had all day, I started thinking about the canoeing adventure that I mentioned a few weeks ago. (Side note #2: I just realized that I can type pretty well without looking at the keys... when did that happen? Probably somewhere during the last 4 years)

One morning Jo and I had just finished eating a lovely breakfast of oatmeal and were just finishing up our tea. Jo was cleaning up the table and I was just standing with my mug of tea in one hand looking out at the beautiful lake and scenery around us when I realized that I was comfortable with me and that I was in fact...myself. I know that sounds like a really obvious observation but it hit me. After all this time searching over the past few years for who I am and who I want to be and being comfortable with myself I finally felt as though I was. I know that I was a goof at times, but that I loved a serious and challenging conversation. I have a certain sense of humour...that not everyone has, or gets. I love God and getting to know Him better. I love reading my psych textbooks but will run away from any science or math textbooks. I love hiking, canoeing, kayaking and walking somewhere for a purpose or with someone but I'm not a huge fan of organized sports. Anyway, I stood there contemplating this seemingly shallow fact that finally felt comfortable and like I was in my own skin. It was a strange feeling for me, feeling there completely in that moment.

It wasn't really easy to get to this point, I think having a realization like this makes it seem like this beautiful, quick moment of self-realization. Except it wasn't quite like that. I did a lot of trying to be someone else and trying to make myself into someone I'm not, both physically and personality wise. But it's just nice to know that at some point I did realize that I am happy with who I am and who I'm becoming, though I do still have my moments of uncertainty. I know that in another 10 years I'll probably be standing on a porch at a friends cottage sipping coffee and I'll realize that I've changed and that I'm still me and that I love who I am then. And then another however many years down the road I'll do it all again.

Jo and I talked about this realization of mine for a little while as we finished our tea.

Then we broke out into our morning ritual of acting like monkey's...just kidding... well about the morning ritual part. Apparently I do a good monkey immitation and Jo has no problem joining right in with me. See what I mean about being a goof? But it's OK because it's me and I completely accept it and so does Jo which is why she's one of my best friends. (Side note 3# I love my friends)

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