My Attention

I've been convicted recently about where I put my focus and my attention...in fact this is something that has been nagging at me for quite some time over the past year or so but has definitely increased over the past few months. I found myself opening another tab in my browser even as I typed this because I found myself getting stuck in what I wanted to say. Instead of sitting and just staying with the moment that I was in I put my attention on something else. Now to be honest sometimes this is exactly what I need when I am writing, but normally in order for this kind of break to be the productive kind rather than the unproductive it does not entail me going to Facebook or Instagram or YouTube or watching the latest episode of Stranger Things (my latest episode not THE latest episode so please don't ruin the surprise for me!).

[Disclaimer: Before I continue in the post I feel the need to say that this is something I've been convicted on, I'm not saying you need to feel convicted about it (unless you do...) nor am I saying that these specific things that apply to me in certain circumstances are things that apply to everyone in each general circumstance.] 

I read an article a few months ago during one of the many late night feeding sessions with my newborn son about the impact of smartphones on the younger generation (Read the article here). Yes, I do realize how apropos that is...that I was reading an article about the impacts of smartphone use on my smartphone while feeding my baby. It was over many instances like this, through a book I read called The Secrets of a Baby Whisperer and through a conversation with a cousin-in-law (is that the short way of saying my cousin's wife...or at least making it more about her than my cousin? Haha...I digress) that I began to realize the importance of being present and how "unpresent" my phone often made me. 

When a good friend of mine brought a similar article to my attention recently I began to wonder if Someone was trying to get my attention...

I'm not sure if you're like me or not but slowly I have found that my phone is the great grabber of my attention. I'm not sure when the moment happened that my phone became such a distraction for me, but I do know that it happened after I gave up my slide phone for a smartphone and suddenly the world of the internet was at my fingertips. Suddenly I didn't have to go on a computer to check my e-mail, and as time went on more and more things became available for me to check on my phone, at my convenience, whenever I wanted. Now, I didn't have to wait until it was possible for me to pick up my computer and respond to emails or scroll through Facebook or read a blog. I could do it whenever I wanted and I found myself doing it ALL THE TIME. Then, it wasn't just that I was checking those things but I was also texting people quite a bit. So, between using the internet and texting people I was on my phone a lot more than before. This would all be well and good if it was the same amount that I was using my computer to do these things before, but it wasn't... it was definitely more. Suddenly, I went from forgetting my phone at home and not worrying about it at all  to having a bit of a panic when I realized my phone was at home. 

Now, I don't love phone calls...I think it's the introvert in me. I hate trying to figure out if the person needs to get going or what they meant by such and such a comment or how they are doing because I can't read any of their body language or facial expressions. However, last winter I found myself missing phone calls and wishing that I could just pick up the phone and call someone and it wouldn't be weird or feel like a bit of an intrusion in some way or invasion of privacy...or that it wouldn't feel like a rejection if they couldn't talk at that moment. Truly, I feel like a bit of a split personality in this matter. I express myself better through written word so sometimes I prefer to be able to type or write something, especially if I'm working through an idea, however at the same time sometimes I just prefer to talk to someone on the phone for an a bit. I've also found that sometimes I want to talk to someone but have nothing to talk about...then what do you do?

Further, as a ,om sometimes it is easier and more convenient to get in a texting conversation because I can respond when I have to chance...however I find that this isn't actually what I tend to do. Often I find myself responding to texts or going on Instagram or Facebook or checking my email or looking up any number of random things on Google when I could be interacting with my son. Now obviously sometimes this is fine! I am definitely an advocate of independent play. However, I've begun to wonder how I expect to raise a child that isn't glued to their phone or device if every time (okay, obviously not EVERY TIME) they look up in those early years they see me staring at my phone.

If I want my children to be able to have a conversation or interact with others face-to-face then I need to model that myself...plus who knows what kind of opportunities will open up if I'm on my phone less and just available more?!   

Now comes the hard part...I need to actually follow through on this. I need to put my phone somewhere inaccessible and interact more OR just do different things when I'm not interacting and just letting my son chill with his own bad self. Maybe I can pick up those books that I've been meaning to read or write more or find some other random hobby! So, if you're reading this and you know me...as much as I hate asking you to do this... help keep me accountable.

In the end I don't want to stand before God and say, "Well, I scrolled through Instagram a lot..." I want my focus to be more on what matters, what will help develop my and build my character and ultimately and most importantly draw me nearer to God. I'm not saying this is never Instagram or Facebook- at times I am inspired, drawn into thought, pulled closer to God or challenged by what I see on social media, blogs or what I read on my phone. I also think that I could be doing a host of other things and they wouldn't really be drawing me nearer to God either...however, those other things are currently not my crux. So, here's to attempting to get my focus and my attention in the proper place...to sometimes sit silently and just think or watch my son try and shove a variety of random objects in his mouth or pick up that book I've been promising to read and not getting around to. Here's to doing things that draw me into thought, draw me nearer to God and challenge me to grow.