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Some Well Awaited Pondering

As I sit here in the basement of our library on campus I'm always struck by the silence (except for the group of people in the corner quietly talking). In fact, I think that I may come here sometimes in the month that I have "free" before the wedding to just sit in the silence with God and find peace. It's just that beautifully silent.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what my faith personally means to me, why I do what I do, say what I say and think what I think. I've realized that my relationship with God has really become a part of who I am. Sometimes I find things popping out of my mouth so naturally that I'm surprised. While talking to a friend last week on campus I realized that there are so many things about God that I have come to accept without question. Now I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but I see it in the sense of childlike faith. At one time or another I have questioned aspects of God, at times I still do. But through all that questioning there are characteristics of God that I just know, I don't feel, I just know.

Knowing is a hard thing for me, feeling is how I've gone about most of my life. While I believe that this is the way that God has created me and that it is good, I've developed a habit of relying on feeling that is not necessarily positive. I'm sure I'm not the only one that has developed this habit and it's something that I've had to be really conscious of in order to discern feelings from God and feelings from me or the enemy. This is a weak spot for me, so it can definitely be a foothold.

As I've begun to think more and try to depending on knowing rather than feeling many different questions, thoughts, ideas and conversations have happened. My faith has become firmer, though at times it's felt quite unstable, I've hit some deep lows this year and some great highs. God has challenged me and strengthened me in areas I wasn't aware I needed to be challenged and strengthened. But my Father knows me best.

Anyway, there wasn't much of a point to this post. Just a general spill of thoughts and ideas. Maybe it will get you thinking. :)

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